I believe we have much more power to design and create ourselves and our lives than any of us fully understand. I believe there is more for us in the universe when we stop to look and when we never stop learning and growing.

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The Cole's notes

 

I've done, seen, experienced and been a lot. I have few regrets. I have a lot to learn. Always. I'm unlearning some stuff. Always. My childhood and upbringing, my trials and triumphs, have brought me here, have contributed hugely to who I am as a coach.

 

I'm creating or changing what I can control, I am learning to accept more of what is. I'm also evolving, and also creating my life so that it Feels Like a Saturday Here. Being a coach is part of this.

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"Feels like a Saturday, here" or FLASH! is a life where most days have that Saturday feeling of  very young child. Mornings where you got to watch cartoons in your PJs, and the day was your oyster! You were in choice. You were yourself. You were present. I've had FLASH many times in my career and in my maturity, I'm recognizing it's a state of mind and way of being as much as it is what I do. 

 

Feels Like a Saturday Here, or FLASH, means I am becoming more and more comfortable and real in my authentic perfectly imperfect self. I am always learning and integrating and growing.

 

It means I have ever expanding clarity in what is truly important: my core purpose and values, love, my family, and health, and doing what I can to make a difference -- to tend to the area of the garden I can reach in this world.

 

I am cultivating an ease and flow in life that does not mean better, more, or fast. It means presence, quality, joy, love, wonder, gratitude and meaning.

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My coaching style is providing a safe and stimulating space. We explore to remove roadblocks and design actions towards your goals and what is most meaningful and important to you.

• Engaging you confidently in your own unique authenticity 

• Helping cultivate crystal clarity on what's getting in the way, how to move past that, and developing actions and tools to support you

• Generating greater ease and flow as you move forward

 

My story

(or enough to give you a sense of who you'll be working with)​

It was just before Christmas and rainy and dark. We left our little house, in a tiny village in the middle of middle class Scotland. In those days you walked out to board the plane. I remember the smell of wet tarmac. It was snowy, cold and dark when we deplaned in Castlegar, nestled in Canada's Rocky mountains. It had been a bumpy ride and we'd almost had to turn back to Calgary. I remember holding on to my yellow bean bag doll, one of the few presents I'd been allowed to bring. I am 9 - almost 10. My brother is two years younger.

 

My father had a hard childhood was, and still is, a seeker for deeper meaning. My mother is a healer. We settled into a small red cabin, outhouse in the back, within an Ashram community. My parents studied yoga, meditation and eastern philosophies, while my brother and I went to school in nearby Crawford Bay Village. This change in life was unsettling (understatement). From Sunday school and hymns in church to Sunday evening chanting and bongos in the prayer room. To this day, I dislike carob chocolate and tapioca. 

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I was a shy child (still an introvert). This experience, and many more, gradually made me stronger, broad and open minded, curious to learn more. Despite what felt weird a lot of the time, there was a lot of fun amidst the unfamiliar. My hippy, holistic, seeker parents and our life growing up, becoming landed immigrants and settling in Calgary, broadened my mind. I am grateful.

 

Although I did not recognize the value then, I was exposed to emerging theories and practices in positive psychology, mindfulness, critical thinking, and the power of language, intention, and attention. Ways of exploring, thinking and being that served me well as a young person navigating the world and on to today in my ongoing growth and as a coach.

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My university education and career were also rich in range: engineering, fine arts, classics, earth sciences and cartography, statistics, accounting and psychology. I ended up with a Bachelor of Science and half way toward an arts and humanities degree. I enjoyed the social side of university, sometimes a little too much and with no regrets.

 

Since then, I've attended eight other universities and colleges, in a myriad of subjects. The latest is Royal Roads University where I completed my grad studies to become a Certified Executive Coach. Since then, I have a thirst and continue learning in coach related topics of applied neuroscience, mindfulness and mental fitness, embodiment and Somatics. The list is endless which suits me fine.

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By age 30, I had been a nanny, housekeeper, painter and gardener, a cartographer, a geophysical technician, an office manager, a public relations and ad writer, a project manager, director of HR and administration, a technical illustrator (one of my faves), and a due diligence researcher for start ups seeking venture capital or to go public. I'd worked in pulp and paper, public relations, non-profits, graphic design, construction, and training development.

 

I had lots of learning curves, then I'd get bored or felt I had to move on to increase my income. I also had my struggles.

 

Between jobs early on, my health faltered and I became depressed. Still new to the big city of Vancouver, not a lot of friends yet. My income dwindled. I ate primarily processed foods and my white blood count got really low.

 

I went on welfare. I lived in small basement suite rented to me by kind family friends and they reduced my rent. It had been several months of dragging myself up to job search and I finally landed a job after 4 interviews and a 500-question screening test. It was Christmas and I was due to start on January 4. As I shared my news with family over the holidays, I realized my enthusiasm was forced. It was just a job. A paycheque to feed and house me. I called my new employer on January 2 and reneged on the offer. So much for the screening test! A huge weight was lifted off!

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From holiday home cooking, family love and making the right decision, I had a renewed energy. I heard a graphic design firm was hiring. This appealed to my creative side. So, I purchased a tailored green suit on Visa, walked into the office and introduced myself to the first person I saw. I took a deep breath. "Hi, I'm Toni Crow. I hear you're looking for someone and I'm perfect for the job." The person was stunned. I stunned myself! I got the job. 

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I have had several bouts of depression, perhaps inherited as my father suffered from depression through his own life. I did not understand him until I had my own experiences. I'v since had several what I then called, "mini midlife crises". I joked that instead of having one big one, I was having several medium ones, starting in my twenties.

 

I realize now that I had burnouts as well as depression. My work usually stimulated me, especially as I put myself in situations where I was always learning. I let myself overwork, adding general anxiety through stress and overwhelm. At one point, my fondness for wine became a maladaptive coping mechanism. Fairly quickly, I got treatment with the kind support and tough love of my mother and my now husband. I know I am lucky. This is all interwoven in the past few decades.

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While working in New Zealand as a technical illustrator, a group of Travellers visited the coastal town of Whakatane, near where I lived. I recall a richness all around me: fiddle music and laughter, scents of sausages on the barbecue, lots of children, a riot of colourful tents and campers and vans. A sign on a psychedelic school bus advertised Tarot card readings. My mum gave me a tarot deck when I was 18 and it earned me a few meals backpacking around Europe a few years before. I'd never had my own cards read.

 

A middle aged Jimmy Buffet look alike, with a peachy Hawaiian shirt and silvery five o' clock shadow, sat me at a booth table in the bus. He brought me a stiff cup of black tea, with a little milk. Just the way I like it. He didn't ask me what I liked.

 

After a full reading, of which I now recall little, I remember what happened next as if it were five minutes ago. He asked me to reshuffle the cards and spread them out in a go-fish river. He asked me to think of one question, in a yes or no format, but not tell him what it was. I was then to select one card from the river. My hand hovered slowly, up and down the river. I felt a strange warmth in my palm, selected the card immediately below it and handed it to him. I held my breath. He studied the card. He said, "No." I exhaled. I'm sure he saw my disappointment! He offered a clarifier card and, still without knowing my question, said the card told him mine was a different path and it would not be for a very long time that it would become a yes. The question I'd asked: "Will I ever find what I am meant to do in my life?"

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This was actually a gift and a pivotal moment. It gave me permission to stop looking. To stop thinking, I will be happy when I find out what I'm meant to be when "I grow up". It freed me up to worry about this less and enjoy the ride more. I soon after recognized I love variety and learning new things! So I'm not a lawyer, a cartographer, or an artist. That is ok.

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In the two decades since my thirties, I worked primarily in the high-tech sector of software development and implementation. First as a functional business analyst - a conduit between end users and developers. Eventually leading and creating teams around the world where we come in to work with customers - internal or external - to help make systems and processes work for people, instead of the other way around.

 

Externally I worked with public and private organizations, from natural resources, manufacturing and construction, to non-profits, higher education, government, and other tech companies. Internally, I worked in professional services, production support, IT, sales operations, customer success, and all things HR. I loved the variety of people I worked with - learning how they operated and what really mattered. I loved-- still love --nurturing people and witnessing their growth and success. 

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Ten years ago, I got an opportunity to leave the corporate world. Burnt out again and ready for a change, I set out to heal and then to discover and create a life that I called, "Feels like a Saturday, here" or FLASH! What was it that would most mornings feel like that Saturday feeling as a very young child. Mornings where you got to watch cartoons in your PJs, and the day was your oyster! I've had FLASH many times in my career and in my maturity, I'm recognizing it's a state of mind and way of being as much as it is what I do. 

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I discovered Lean - a collaborative problem solving and continuous improvement methodology (my jam!). I wish I could have known about years before. I became a Lean Black Belt with the help of an associate who I work with to this day. I also contracted as a management advisor with a federal crown corporation.

 

Coaching came into my field of vision and the reputation of the grad studies at Royal Roads caught my eye. I've had the benefit of some fabulous coaching and leadership development through my career, and there was a lot of facilitation and coaching in what I was doing. So, I set a five year goal of obtaining this credential. I reckoned this training would up my game in the value I could help bring to clients. And I did! And it did!

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I had two unexpected surprise or epiphanies!

• How powerful coaching and a coach approach can be! Not that it made me powerful. Rather, it helped me help others find their power.

• I truly love coaching and the continuous learning and growth it inspires, both in me and in people and teams! I feel like everything that came before has contributed to where I am now.

 

As my tarot card reader of long ago said, I've been on varied path of many journeys within the journey. Now it is a yes. I'm where I was always meant to be, at the time I was meant to be here. This is my FLASH life. This is my path.

 

I believe having ends in mind are important. The quality of the journey can be richer than the destinations. Outcomes loosely held and and being present on the path open up possibilities. My mantra is "slowing down enriches", and I am gradually unlearning my old go-go-go habits. 

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I am a coach and my learning and FLASH journey continues.